The day of Dave’s last bone marrow biopsy is quickly approaching, and although I expect the results to reveal that the cancer is gone, there remains an unsettled feeling, a lingering nugget of fear. I spend my days working with cancer patients, but everything is different when that cancer patient is none other than your husband – the man you love. I have been struggling with the remaining question of how we are to live going forward. Often my patients come in with terrible anxiety, stricken with fear of their cancer returning, and at times with the risk of the cancer coming back being so small that compassion fails me. Yet, in this moment I have a new understanding. How do you go on living life after you have just lived in the face of death and have overcame? How do you plan for the future when the future is not promised? But then I think, is the future ever really promised here on earth? Accidents happen every day. Lives can be here today and gone tomorrow. Every day is a gift.
The past cannot be re-lived. The future is unknown. In my questioning, my answer comes in a simple reminder that the weapon to overcome is living in the present. What does today hold? Mystery. The depth of the love of God that I have not yet fully understood. Grace. Promise. And for Dave and I, snuggles on the couch, exploring new flavors in the kitchen, doing small projects around our beautiful home – adding the finishing touches. Laughing until it hurts with great friends when we are overtired on a Saturday night. Worshiping with every breath this God who has graciously given us life.
I believe there will be a tomorrow, but today, I will embrace today.